You have recently come to learn that your ex has a new partner. Even if you have been able to convince yourself that you have moved on with your ex (in almost every way), it is like a punch to the gut when all those feelings and emotions wash over you at once.
How could you move on so quickly? Do you even [really] care about me? And what does this mean for me now? If this feels familiar, breathe and let me tell you this is 100% normal and you are not alone. Your feelings are totally valid!
Why Do You Feel So Bad When Your Ex Starts Dating Someone New Again?
Whether you and your ex broke up mutually, or you broke up with them, your feelings does not just turn off, so the love doesn't just disappear. When your ex has started dating someone new, your initial reactions might feel like an explosion.
You’ve invested time, love, energy, and feelings into that relationship, so when you see them move on it can feel like a replacement of the memories you’ve built together. The pain is even more pronounced because it is familiar loss and change - something we as human beings tend to shy away from.
But here’s a comforting thought: the fact that you are feeling this way indicates that you genuinely cared, and that in itself is a great thing.
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Your Mind is Playing Tricks on You
If you find out your ex has moved on to being in a relationship with someone else, your mind can start to go on overdrive, going through old memories and concocting stories of “Maybe I wasn’t enough” or “What if I did things differently?” This process of overthinking, or making excessive thinking, is a process also known as rumination, and is very common after breakup.
Remember, just because your ex has moved on, it doesn’t mean you failed, or you weren’t good enough. Every person heals differently - some people jump right into new relationships, whereas others may take weeks, months or beyond to move on. Also please remember that usually what you see on social media is usually just the good stuff and not the full picture. You are not competing against anyone. Focus on yourself, your healing, and your growth.
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How Social Media Hinders Growth?
As much as it is tempting to go through your ex’s social media pages, every time you do this you are reopening the scab that hasn't healed yet. Yes, looking at the happy pictures of couples and relationship status updates hurt. Remember though, that social media is a highlight reel - it shows you everything without the extensive ugliness going on behind the curtains.
If you are looking more than once at their profile, even if it is to make yourself angry, it is perfectly fine to mute, unfollow or block them for a while. This isn't being petty - it is about protecting your feelings. When we want to heal and move on, sometimes distance and separation is the best thing. The less you see and hear about them, the easier it is to move on and try to forget.
Stop Being So Hard on Yourself
One of the more difficult things about breaking up is blaming yourself. You are spending hours rehashing your relationship wondering what you could have done differently or if you were "better" or "did I just screw this up?" Relationships require two to work, and it is something that they don't always do.
Just because your ex is dating someone new doesn't mean you were less than enough. Sometimes people grow apart. Sometimes they want different things. That's normal and it doesn’t mean you are less worthy or broken. You deserve kindness - yet we consistently tolerate the abuse of ourselves.
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Feel Your Feelings - All of Them
Healing is not about denying your emotions or pretending everything is ok. It is about allowing yourself to be sad, angry, jealous, or confused and say that’s ok. Cry if you want to. Journal about it. Talk with a trusted friend. Expressing your feelings allows you to move through the emotional pain as opposed to bottling them up.
That said, try to not only feel your feelings all the time, and do follow up that sadness with some little things you enjoy. Healing is not a linear journey, there will be ups and downs - again, that is all part of it.
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Focus on Yourself and What Makes You Happy
Now that your ex has moved on, it's your time to focus on you, and your priorities. Sometimes in a relationship we lose parts of ourselves while providing for another person. Now is your time to focus on yourself and figure out.
Which hobbies did you stop doing? What dreams did you give up? You might want to do those things again or try a new hobby. You will want to surround yourself with people and family that will encourage you. You deserve this time to grow, to heal, and to become the best version of yourself, the version you can be proud of.
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Final Thoughts
It hurts to learn that your ex is dating someone else - that is something you cannot avoid, but just because that is true, does not mean you are broken or unlovable. It just means you loved hard, which is something you can be proud of. Healing takes time and can have good days and bad days. Be nice to yourself, protect your peace by taking breaks from social media and start your own journey to rediscovery of joy and self worth.
You are not alone, and this part of your story is just one part of many. You will see brighter days. Keep your heart open to new possibilities and know that you will heal, and be happy again. You can do this!
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